there are so many things that i just really need to tell someone, someone who can just listen and understand without me having to explain it fully. there are so many things that i need to let out.

yet, the only two people in the world who i feel like i could tell all these things to...well, one of them is currently REALLY enjoying his/her life (and i'm extremely happy for this person), and would only tell me that i'm overreacting and that everything gets better afterwards, and a lot of crap and talking to this person would only make me feel worse afterwards.

and the other person...i love this person as a "sibling" way too much to want to impose all my troubles on this person, and i'm afraid that telling this person all that i need to tell to someone would alter this person's view of me for the worse, and that would be too big of a loss for me to take the risk. even though i know that this person is exactly the person who would understand.


even though i interact socially with many people and friends on a daily basis...this is what it feels like to be completely alone.

it's kinda weird.

it's almost ridiculous how quiet it is around here - i think almost everyone went home for thanksgiving...which is strange, because last year a lot of people stayed, and it was actually really loud, but fun. it's also strange that it hasn't started snowing yet..the last two years it was definitely snowing in boston on thanksgiving - hooray for global warming! well, not really, but it sure makes the winters a lot more bearable at least =)

i kinda want it to snow though..snow is really only fun the first few months, and then around march or so, you start to get tired of swimmming through brown slush. why don't they have an underground tunnel from whitehead to the rest of MIT? >:O

anyways, off to jay's apartment for thanksgiving dinner...turkey sandwiches and brownies!! yummmmm. although my dad literally laughed for 5 minutes straight when i told him that i was eating turkey sandwiches for thanksgiving.

SO tired...i think i just need sleep and a break from life in general...is it bad if every time i close my eyes, all i see are little molecules and reactions running around in front of me? ARGH. although my brother once had a dream about being chased by zeros. hmm, can't really beat that one.

hahaha on a side note, i just realized...everytime i talk about 5.511 and mention that i'm a bio major, i get literally the same response: "why are you IN this(that)class?!" and i can't really ever come up with a good answer to that. thinking about it now, i don't really know why i keep taking these orgo classes...i just really really love the subject and solving the problems and coming up with the syntheses...coming from a biology-trained perspective, i just think it's really cool that people can isolate these biological molecules and come up with ways to actually MAKE them.


i think that's damn hot.


it's more of just a feeling that it's the..oh, i don't know..the "right thing" to do? does that even make sense at all? all i really know is that i would just feel so wrong to go a semester without taking an orgo class...i can't really even think of what it'll be like after college - i thought about chem grad school, as opposed to the original med-school plan, but for some reason i can't imagine myself doing that, even though i love the material.

you want to do something for the rest of your life that you know you'll love doing, but how can you possibly choose so early on? if you're forced to make a decision, how do you know you're making the right decision? is it worth it? does it matter?

algo así.


anyways, happy thanksgiving!