i swear that i will never let myself be hurt like that again. i will live. i'll live my life. i don't ever want to grow up, cuz growing up just takes away everything that was and that could have been. all those what if's that you go through in the process of growing up. every hour that goes by, every minute, every second. you lose it all. yet at the same time, you also learn. learn to live, learn to die, learn to forget, but most importantly, learn to remember. remember all those good memories, cuz when you've lost it all, it's those small memories that give meaning back to life. you know what i mean. big things, small things. that one time you walked along the charles river by yourself at 2 in the morning. that one old beat-up tire swing that you used to play on all the time as a kid. that one problem set that made you want to cry, but damn it, you finished it and solved the problems and turned it in on time. that one song that always makes you want to run through the hallways singing at the top of your lungs. and that one person's smile...the smile and the acknowledgement that to him/her, you ARE a person and you DO have an identity. that's almost the most important one of it all. forget everything else but remember that one thing. give me life as it is, and i'll take it, damn it. i'll take it. i'll forget and i'll remember. maybe i'll learn to forgive one day. but i'll never let myself get hurt like that again.

wow, it's been literally one month since i last posted. i guess there's a lot to say, so i'll warn you that this will be a really long post - and i promise i'll try to be more consistent in the future =)

so let's start from the beginning of december..came back to school, moved into my single, which actually turned out to be pretty awesome - it's not really big, but it's long, so i have a good amount of floor space. the first part of the month was mostly taken up by rush, both dorm and floor rush (which worked out really well btw....we have REALLY awesome freshmen, and one of them is even a Log!...and he's korean! hahah anyways). and then fraternity rush. ok, this will be my one and only rant about rush and then i'll shut up about it. i'll probably get in trouble for saying this, but i really hate fraternity rush. there are too many reasons why i hate it. i love sigma nu still, but i can't deal with rush, especially with the tracking/stalking system they used for the freshmen guys this year. yet, at the same time, it's like rush is necessary for the house too, since they always need new brothers...and one of the worst things is seeing all the sleep-deprived upperclassmen brothers getting more and more unlike themselves as the frat rush week progresses. seriously. and it was just upsetting. so yea. i'm just ass-glad that rush is over and done with. and they got pretty good freshmen too, i think. one of them kinda creeps me out, but that's another story lol. at least siamrut pledged! that kid is sooo awesome - he was my rush crush so i'm guess i'm biased, but everyone has their own rush crushes. if u think about it, rush is just basically upperclassmen guys dating freshmen guys and then getting DUMPED by some of the freshmen guys. hahahahahha. ok it's not quite like that, but that analogy makes me laugh, so yea. BTW, this post is in no way discriminatory against sigma nu. i love those guys, even though i'm sad that this year i'm not really getting to hang out with them as much or even get to know the freshmen since i've mostly just been cooped up in my room while studying

anyways, school is ok so far. bio lab, orgo II, genetics, spanish III, and UROP. not too bad except for the fact that there's a lot of work to be done. i'm just so tired now, but it always feels like there's more to do! but the people are awesome, both the conner 3 and sigma nu people, etc, so that makes up for it

ok, i'm starting to lose my concentration, so i'll wrap up the rest of the post quickly in no particular order.

first round of tests went better for me than i expected...it's starting to get really cold over here and they JUST turned on the heat...the freshmen on my floor are really cool (i think i said that already)...i'm starting to get closer to my floor, although in general i feel like there's no time to hang out with people anymore...the rice rink is opening soon!...a trip to Minado with Ron Ron, Mike, and Uta ended up turning into a very interesting trip to KFC....harvard square with joseph was fun...i can't wait until it starts snowing....my Rice friends are still the best ever...and last of but least, hearts got broken and broke others in return...yea whatever

alrite i'll try to start updating more frequently so that this blog actually has a purpose

until next time