completely heartbroken. i was semi-expecting it, but i didn't think i was going to be emotionally affected by it to that extent. i really haven't felt so strongly about anything in such a long time that it surprised even me.

the hike was freaking awesome! first one up to the top (yay!) but that was partially because i ran part of the way up since i saw a spider and then bolted....5 miles up and 5 miles down...i guess it sort of helped that i thought it was 3 miles up and 3 miles down, so it didn't seem that far to me. and i'm actually not that sore today! awesome. although we stayed up til 3:40 am having this intense discussion with jay about soccer and watched like a billion videos of cristiano ronaldo while simon drooled over him some more...haha and poor spike wanted to go to sleep too, but i think simon kept talking to him...erica finally was able to kick them all out of my room so that i could actually get 2.5 hours of sleep to wake up for desk this morning..whee! i'm totally gonna pass out at lab meeting today, and i know that i'm gonna be dreadfully sick later in the day, but oh man, so worth it

argentina won against mexico!!! such a tense game, i think i was hyperventilating half the time...although i'll admit, it was kinda a sucky game though...nothing at all like germany v. sweden earlier in the day. germany will most likely kick argentina in the ass on friday =( yall probably know by now that i'm completely obsessed with argentina and they have such a good shot at winning if they get their act together (haha i feel sorry for my suite..they have to hear me going on and on about how awesome lionel messi is....although simon and i spent a good ten minutes staring at and gushing over pictures of cristiano ronaldo..yes, SIMON was gushing over it as well). secretly, i kinda hope that argentina loses against germany so that i can return to normal, non-World Cup life lol. but if the argentinians win, man it's gonna be crazy!!!

i can't believe that i'm stuck at desk at night EVERY night while everyone else is out on the turf playing soccer >:O

not bad so far...lab's been going smoothly so far (knock on wood), my favorite teams in the world cup are doing well (knock on wood again), and yea, it's been more or less relaxing, i suppose, but in a weird, stressed-out sort of way. haha does that make sense?

so a typical day is get up, go running, go to lab, come back and sit around in 323 for a while doing absolutely nothing, and then working desk. whee! it's not bad at all working desk - almost no one comes by, so i can concentrate on my work instead. the MSRP kids have moved into burton side, so that makes things a bit more complicated, but interesting, nevertheless, since the MSRP kids are really really nice. told ya kids from different schools are nicer than MIT kids.

anyways, i just chatted with a kid who was wearing the spain soccer team jersey (yay!) and another kid from missouri who rolls his own cigarettes.

back in boston. i really miss the way how houston people are all friendly, and you can walk down the street and smile and say good morning to random people on the street, and they actually smile and say good morning back.

allow me to have a super-girly-gushy moment: i have the coolest earrings ever! they're these cute fat little spherical mice with a small wedge of cheese dangling off of it. mavis (if you're reading this), even you would like it! and you hate mice! =P

i think i know what the root of the problem is - i just can't stand being idle and useless....which explains perfectly my attitude towards, well, everything and everyone. and which explains why i dislike summer vacation so much after like a week of it. well, maybe things will change when i get back to boston and get so busy that i don't have time for anything or anybody. story of my life, yea.

in reflection, there hasn't been much that's changed since high school, and that often makes me wonder - is it going to be the same way when i go to med school? and what about after that? it's no wonder that people say that history tends to repeat itself.

the people who can see through it always ask me why i'm constantly unhappy, which always takes me by surprise at first. how did they know? and then i realize that like everyone else around me, i'm just faking it. in today's society, we increasingly know how to fake things.

i always tell people that if i REALLY don't like them, they'll know it, because i make sure to be pretty blatant about who i REALLY don't like. and that's true. that's one thing i don't fake. but i sometimes wish that i could be that way about everyone. what if i like someone for the most part, but there's just certain things about that person that just really gets at me? i wish i could just come completely clean about everyone and tell everyone to their face exactly what i think about them. but that would be a dumb move, especially at this time point. and especially since everyone else around you is faking it as well.

i have to be careful now as to who i confide in, because honestly, people are people. and people talk. i suppose you could say that i've lost trust in a lot of people, but yet, i have to continue on faking it, pretending that i still trust them.

how do i know that i'm faking it? because i'm always more direct and a whole lot meaner when i write than when i talk to someone face to face.

i suppose blogging serves as some sort of facade...you write things, knowing that they'll be read by the general public...you write about things that you wouldn't directly tell someone, but you write it in the hopes that maybe they'll read it. but in the end, the people who read it either pretend that it wasn't written, or they pretend that they don't read your blog....or they solicitously ask you "what's wrong?"

what about those people who seriously never talk to you really, but when they see some upsetting post or away message (funny how in today's society we rely so heavily on blogging and AIM to convey how we feel), they immediately ask you what's wrong. in a way, i'm glad that people out there..care...but on the other hand, i can't help wondering...are they just asking because they care or because they want to know? i mean, let's face it - humans by nature are nosy. for example, facebook. i'll admit i'm nosy as well. the only difference lies in how well that nosiness is concealed.


and yet, i still can't help but assume the best in people, all the time. deep down, i really like people, and i really think that people are good, and i really want to trust everyone. which is what leads to my disillusionment and disappointment so often.