from our lovely, effed up government in america book:
"Indeed, Asian Americans have often been called the superachievers of the minority majority. This is especially true in the case of educational attainment..."

*sigh*....

this statement made me mad.....i can't quite explain why...i dont even know why myself...

mebbe it's because of the fact that it plainly states another stereotype

wait.."another" stereotype? isn't this the stereotype that we've had to live with for who knows how many god forsaken years?

i can't tell u how many times i've heard that term "superachiever" flung around in the classroom, at me, at other people....having to deal with sky's "asian invasion" theory every single day in history last year to the point where i was seriously afraid that one day i would have to physically hurt him

don't laugh. this isn't funny. i'm being serious.

at my brother's HSO concert, the conductor was a mexicano who had been to both princeton and harvard, and the composer of another piece on the program (danzas latinoamericas) graduated from MIT with a double degree in electrical engineering and composing......last nite at dinner, my godfather had the nerve to express how SURPRISED he was to find out that some hispanics actualy went to mit and harvard and whatnot and that all mexicanos weren't lawnmower ppl and roof repairers..

WHAT THE FUCK

one minority discriminating against another minority? isn't that a bit hypocritical?

i think "hypocritical" here is a gross understatement

you ppl all know how much i love and respect the hispanic culture and language and ppl...so you can imagine my shock when i heard him say that..

don't get me wrong here...it is true, i AM still chinese (no matter how hard i try to fight it)...and i really DO respect the chinese culture...but it gets really hard sometimtes

i was talking to one of my friends the other day..discussing my apparent mixed feelings for chinese culture...and i think we both came to the conclusion that it's partly how one is brought up that determines their particular pride for their own culture

scenario #1: kid is brought up in a completely chinese household...chinese painting and knottings everywhere, chinese books and movies and music all over the house, chinese cultures, chinese traditions, chinese holidays celebrated in full scale, etc, etc...

scenario #2: kid is brought up in a "chinese" household...no sign of any chinese-ity anywhere except if u happen to open the pantry and see a handful of chinese spices and tea lying around....there is one chinese knotting hanging on the wall...chinese books are by far out numbered by english books...chinese movies - virtually nonexistent in this household...chinese holidays not forgotten, but barely celebrated....rare contact with relatives

i would fit scenario #2...the only "chinese culture" i can remember growing up with is the fact that i was oppressed, not allowed to do this, not allowed to do that, not allowed to go out with friends, forced to stay at home all day and STUDY

logical reasoning led me to deduce that THIS was what being chinese was like

you show me one person who is WILLING to put their pride into a culture when presented to one like this, and i will gladly kiss their feet

so what else could i come to a conclusion about? i had to seek another culture, although all the while knowing that i would never fit in

i could not fit in the chinese culture completely, because of what I had seen of it (not what others view it as, but through my OWN perception).......but nor could i ever fit in with the hispanic culture either - simply because...i am not hispanic

maybe my curly hair is hispanic-like, and maybe one day i'll become fluent (correction: one day i WILL become fluent) but that's the closest i'll ever get to it...

in the end, i am still, irrevocably, and undeniably a chinese person. wo3 shr4 hai3 wai4 de chong guo2 ren2......yes, let's all laugh at my pitiful attempts at pinyin...all those years of chinese school that i never really took seriously..

do i regret it?

i'm still trying to figure that out

i want to know WHO i am
i want to know WHY i'm here
i want to know WHAT i can identify with

is that too much to ask?

don't interpret this the wrong way...all my asian/chinese friends out there....i envy how you guys are all so well established in the culture...i LOVE how yall are like that

so bear with me when i'm still floundering around trying to figure out where i stand in this wilderness

funny though...i still remember when back in 8th grade up to 10th grade i was all into it, i seriously had a lot of (for lack of better words) "asian pride"

i know there's still some of it left somewhere

i just need to find it