MITSO concert this friday..i'm excited! in a way, it's kinda fun to sit in the back, cuz then you get to see and hear everything...i love watching various people when they play, especially the people who are really expressive. it's so weird, i never realized really how much music means to me until end of last year. i mean, music has always meant a lot to me, but i never realized how much it defines what i value in life. like if someone were to tell me today that i could never play piano or violin or music in general ever again for the rest of my life, i wouldn't know what to do. i'd probably just sit in a corner and waste away or something like that. i wish that i had gotten more involved in the music environment here at college during frosh year...whereas now, i feel like it's just too late. like, i wish i had done chamber or tried out for emerson. i think i'm gonna try to do chamber next semester. the problem is always just that it feels like there's never any time to do all of that, but there has to time, you know? thinking back on it, i don't really know why i never really did much with music my freshman year...in fact, MITSO didn't even mean much to me back then and i seriously considered quitting several times - gosh, i'm so incredibly glad that i didn't quit...otherwise i woulda never discovered that..that something. i don't know how to describe it, or what it is exactly. but i know that whatever it is, it's what keeps me awake the entire time during rehearsal no matter how little sleep i got that week...it's what makes me look forward to every tuesday and thursday no matter how busy the week is..it's what is on my mind and distracts me when i'm trying to focus on something else, but it's ok because i enjoy it..it's what makes me sometimes wish that rehearsal was just one hour longer...it's what makes me smile whenever i think about the music, even on my worst days...i don't know. i don't know if anyone will ever read this or if anyone will ever read this and understand it, but whatever it is, i hope that i'll never lose it because i don't know what i'd do if i ever did lose it. it's like the type of stuff that you really want to tell someone directly in the hopes that they'd understand exactly what you meant, because if they didn't understand, you'd be totally crushed...the type of stuff you're too afraid to tell other people because of that very reason.



on a more mundane and completely unrelated note, today was the first day of 5.511 today...seems like it will be an awesome class despite the massive project and the fact that it starts at 8:30 am. i love the professor though! he talks so fast! haha yea it's gotta be sad that i like a class because the professor talks fast...but seriously though, i can never pay attention in classes where the profs go at a slow or normal speed (like most of my other classes) cuz my attention span is apparently too short...so i think having profs who talk fast keeps me awake. same thing happens for me - if i try to talk slower, i forget what i want to say..oh well...contrary to popular though, i actually do kinda envy people who talk slow and i actually kinda like talking to them cuz it's a good exercise. haha not sure if that made any sense.