so as the summer is winding down, i always have these second thoughts about what the summer actually was. ok that didn't really make sense. what i'm trying to say is that...every summer i start out thinking that it can't possibly beat the summer from the previous year, but in the end, everything changes. it seems to always be towards the end of the summer that everything starts to make sense, and when everyone starts to get close to each other, the summer ends.

but the cool thing about this summer is that the summer isn't quite ending, because we're all staying more or less within two suites of each other.

never woulda guessed that at the beginning of the summer. maybe it's something about living with each other and seeing each other all so much more often because we're not constantly running around between labs and classes and stuff.

except that i am.

so it feels kinda weird, because in a way, it's another one of those times when the past just repeats itself again. close to few, always hard to fit in completely because half/most of the time, i'm not there.

i'm not really complaining, i guess, because it's something that i've gotten used it, and slightly enjoy. however, i still always think that i prefer to talk to people than to just stay cooped up all day. but some people ARE able to stay cooped up all day long and they seem perfectly happy and focused and everything. however, doesn't that depend on what you're trying to get out of life? in the end, it still comes down to what makes you happy.

i don't try to make long and profound and philosophical blog posts now like i did in the past. in fact, many times i feel that i've really lost my capability to express myself like i was able to in the past. remember those times at martel when we all just sprawled out on the trampoline all night long (literally) and talked about anything and absolutely nothing in general and yet, it still seemed like something?

the reason this summer feels so different for me is because it's turned out exactly opposite the way i thought it would be. i thought that by staying in boston, i would be able to lock myself in my room and just study for mcats, since i figured that i wasn't really close friends with anyone at MIT, really. and i figured that i'd be so busy studying that i wouldn't really have time to get to know anyone in my suite better.

except that i did. which is a problem. seriously, i think i was a lot more carefree at the beginning of the summer, since i had only mcats and lab on my mind...oh, and the world cup, but that was negligible, since it didn't take up THAT much time, in retrospect. actually i remember that i kept telling myself that after the world cup was over, i'd actually be able to sit down and study even harder cuz i wouldn't be distracted.

actually, now that i think about it, i think that maybe it really was the world cup that lead me to get to know everyone better. i remember we'd just all sit out there in the suite together, around that big rectangular table, and eat chen's cookies while simon and jay and spike went completely crazy over the game playing on the TV screen, and eventually i got dragged into it too...and then chen, jaime, erica, and levi would just sit there on the side laughing at our reactions. oh, and gemma joined in every once in a while, too.

and then there was alex's birthday party. WOW. i think that really broke the ice in terms of socialness for the summer, cuz after that, i think everyone kinda felt more open with each other. funny how ethanol works, doesn't it?

i'm only thinking about this stuff, because so many things in addition to that have happened that i thought would be completely opposite. for example, why him? why now? why does this have to happen right now when i'm trying to REALLY focus on studying for mcats? why couldn't it have happened at the beginning of the summer instead and then gradually tapered off? they say that things happen when you least expect it, and yea, i think i can say that is definitely true. this is definitely probably the first time that this has happened when i wasn't even thinking about it. and it really bothers me. really really bothers me. in a good way or bad way, i don't know.

ok, i'm just rambling now, so this is becoming pretty pointless....anyways, that was brief recap of the summer...i'll write more on it plus cape cod adventures later.